Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Understanding Tax Refunds

Understanding Tax Refunds - baseball style!

If you don't understand the Democrats' version of tax refunds, maybe this will help explain it: 50,000 people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out. A refund was then due.

The team was about to mail refunds when a group of Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out the ticket refunds based on the Democrat National Committee's interpretation of fairness.

Originally the refunds were to be paid based on the price each person had paid for the tickets. Unfortunately that meant most of the refund money would be going to the ticket holders that had purchased the most expensive tickets. This, according to the DNC, is considered totally unfair. A decision was then made to pay out the refunds in this manner:

  • People in the $10 seats will get back $15. After all, they have less money to spend on tickets to begin with. Call it an "Earned Income Ticket Credit." Persons "earn" it by having few skills, poor work habits, and low ambition, thus keeping them at entry-level wages.
  • People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because it "seems fair."
  • People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund. After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, they must not be paying enough taxes.
  • People in the $75 luxury box seats will each have to pay an additional $25 because it's the "right thing to do."
  • People walking past the stadium that couldn't afford to buy a ticket for the game each will get a $10 refund, even though they didn't pay anything for the tickets. They need the most help. Sometimes this is known as Affirmative Action.

Now do you understand?

If not, contact Speaker of the House Nancy Plastic Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry I like Clean, Light Skinned, Articulate Negros Reid, Secretary of the Treasury Timmy the Tax Cheat Geighner, or Senator Barney the Banking Queen Frank.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

you know, this is plain as day. and I'm with you here, if people got refunds based on how much taxes they paid. The big businesses wouldn't be going out of their way to try and cheat on their taxes, or people for that matter. I know people that file single, then each claim a child and they get a better refund than filing jointly and getting screwed. how is this right? don't blame it on democrats. the government is in it to win it. they couldn't care less for you or me, whether you are left or right wing. you're just a vote on a ballot.

Anonymous said...

Aah, but at least he did call the openly gay Senator "Queen" somewhere in there so, really, how can he be faulted for this post?

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Anonymous said...

I'm a liberal and a legal immigrant. I was searching the net to try and understand why I get tax refunds when my income is too low for me to have paid anything in. Thanks for the simple explanation. Now it makes sense and I thank the governments (yes, governments because I got refunds under Bush!), for recognizing that I need some financial assistance.

I don't have few work skills, poor working habits or low ambition. I have a mental illness that stays stable enough to allow me to work for periods of usually around a year or so. It has prevented my from reaching my full potential. Despite being a member of Mensa with a genius IQ I am limited to entry level positions. Whenever I am well enough to work I have to start at the bottom again.

So, which ticket did I buy?

Rachel said...

I'm a liberal and a legal immigrant. I was searching the net to try and understand why I get tax refunds when my income is too low for me to have paid anything in. Thanks for the simple explanation. Now it makes sense and I thank the governments (yes, governments because I got refunds under Bush!), for recognizing that I need some financial assistance.

I don't have few work skills, poor working habits or low ambition. I have a mental illness that stays stable enough to allow me to work for periods of usually around a year or so. It has prevented my from reaching my full potential. Despite being a member of Mensa with a genius IQ I am limited to entry level positions. Whenever I am well enough to work I have to start at the bottom again.

So, which ticket did I buy?