Angry Bitch

NEVER STAND IN LINE AGAIN

Some men carry and handle their diplomacy better than others........

When former U.S. Military commander in Afghanistan , Stanley McChrystal, was called into the Oval Office by Barack Obama, he knew things weren't going to go well when the President accused him of not supporting him in his political role as President.

"It's not my job to support you as a politician, Mr. President, it's my job to support you as Commander-in-Chief," McChrystal replied, and he handed Obama his resignation.

Not satisfied with accepting McChrystal's resignation the President made a cheap parting shot. "I bet when I die you'll be happy to pee on my grave."

The General saluted. "Mr. President, I always told myself after leaving the Army I'd never stand in line again."

Can You Name This Old Tool?

Thought you would enjoy this educational moment in American history. 

Do you know what this is?


Give it a guess, and then look below for the answer.

Hint:
Used by a physician .........

Hint:
It's a medical tool ........

Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s-1810s)

The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient's rectum for various medical purposes, primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims.

A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a fumigator and bellows that forced the smoke towards the rectum.

The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration, but doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase "blowin' smoke up your ass."


It has been reintroduced in Washington, by the Obama Administration as an integral part of the new Health Care program.

Survivor, Texas-Style!

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas-Style!" 

The 9 contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville ...

They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo .

From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas ...

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that reads: 

"I'm a Democrat,"
"I'm Gay,"
"I love the Dixie Chicks,"
"Boycott Beef,"
"I Voted for Obama,"
" George Strait Sucks,"
"Hillary in 2012"
   And
"I'm here to confiscate your guns.." 

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins. 

God Bless Texas !! 

The Flag of People Against PRISM

Difference Between Supreme Court and Ku Klux Klan

What's the difference between the Supreme Court and the Ku Klux Klan?

The Supreme Court wears black robes and scares the hell out of white people.

Speaking of Teams and Opinions

I'll be frank, since it's good to speak clearly and be heard as such. Everyone is playing for a team. They are born into these teams, genetically hardwired to come out black or brown or male or female, and you'd be hard-pressed to get them to back the opposition on any front. Stretch?

Well, have a look at American elections; people are so polarized between conservative and liberal groups, they don't think for a second they're wrong about anything, even if they're doing the exact same things they've previously called the other team out on.

A lot of this also has to do with where they pick it up at. On a campus, if you're not a liberal, you're a goddamned pariah. The ideas of institutional racism/tyrannical patriarchy are greatly emphasized in almost all aspects of college life now, and along with them, the justification that it's acceptable to be prejudiced against white males. 

The irony, of course, is lost on them; they have become the monster in the mirror, and vehement (and grossly intentional) denial of the truth behind what they stand for says one thing: For some reason, they are unwilling to look into that mirror, perhaps because they're afraid of what they'll see. 

Much of this doublethink and the terms they use smack greatly of communist subversion, at the risk of sounding like a conspiracy theorist - which is another term they bandy about to isolate and silence any dissenters. Obviously.  That's my take. 

I read the whole entry and understand your perspective, and your frustrations. Perhaps open-mindedness isn't something to be sought out through political affiliations, as many would have us believe. When politics come into play, everything has interchangeable meanings – especially "open-mindedness."

-- Author Unknown

About The Gays

I've always believed homosexuality was largely biological, and have never really had a beef with them.

However, it has never been something I care to hear a great deal about… my understanding is that the 10% figure is way too high, and I've heard 2 or 3% is more accurate. This is a small minority of people… and it’s also clearly something that could reasonably be thought of as a birth defect. I’m all for treating gay people with dignity, respect, and leaving them alone… but I feel that this very rare variant of human sexuality has become FAR too prominent in our national landscape. We are hearing about it FAR too often and they are pushing FAR too hard for more and more.

People need to be adult about these things and just realize, some times you get the short end of the stick from birth… if you’re blind, people will try to do things like invent braille, seeing eye dogs, etc… but at the end of the day, you will face massively more hardship than the sighted. If you’re deaf, we invent sign language and cochlear implants and we try hard to accommodate those disabilities or any other… wheelchair ramps, etc… but at the end of the day, being born with an unusual defect, no matter what it is… is ALWAYS going to be an inconvenience and doom you to a life of living in a world that just doesn't seem built for you.

It’s sad, but it’s the nature of the real world… and much like the deaf shouldn't expect everyone to stop listening to music or to learn sign language, and the blind shouldn't expect everyone to wear blindfolds in solidarity… and paraplegics shouldn't expect everyone to use wheelchairs in solidarity… homosexuals should not expect the rest of society to rework its entire understanding of marriage and family and sexuality.

I realize it must have been rough for people living in the closet in the 50′s, etc… but frankly society was healthier because it had a clarity about gender roles, sexuality, and such. Unfortunately, for a society to be healthy and strong, I believe it is inevitable that some will feel left out.

--Author unknown

How Could this Happen?

This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Fredericksburg, TX who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway bridge. 

The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Kerrville ... He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 6 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 2½ inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment. 

Texas police do care!

BE PREPARED !!!!!!!

Rumors are circulating in California that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in Los Angeles, killing anyone who is a legal U.S. citizen.

 

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 23.

Frequent Filer Miles and Swinging on Mars

The year is 2222, and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after
accumulating enough frequent Flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen .

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another...

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen

'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough for me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to admit it to you,' says Maureen , 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache ... She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

So Tight!

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy.

"Put your finger in me..." she asks him.

So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning.

"Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one.

She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!".

So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!".

So the guy puts both of his hands in!

"Now clap your hands..." commands the girl.

"I can't", says the guy.

The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".

The Old Cow

Recently out in the California countryside south of San Francisco, a cow suddenly jumped out into the road, and the oncoming limousine hit it full on. The lady in the backseat said to her chauffeur, "You get out and check on it, because you were driving."

So the chauffeur got out, checked, and reported that the cow was dead, but that it was also very old.

Then the lady said, "You go up to that farmhouse, and tell the farmer that you accidentally killed the old cow."

So the chauffeur did indeed go up to the farmhouse, and 2-hours later he returned. His hair was all ruffled-up, he was totally plastered, and he had a big grin on his face.

So the lady asked, "What ever happened to you?"

The chauffeur replied, "After I got to the farmhouse, and delivered the message that you told me to say, the farmer opened-up his best bottle of malt whiskey, his wife gave me a delicious country meal and their pretty daughter made love to me."

The lady asked, "What on earth did you say to them?"

"I just knocked on the front door, and when the farmer opened it, I said to him, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow!"

LIE DETECTOR

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that day. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok we were watching porn."

Dad says, “What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was!" The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says,” Well he certainly is your son!" The robot slaps the mother........

Kid Lost in Store

A young Muslim kid can't find his mother in the supermarket.

The store attendant asks "What does your mother look like?"

The kid says "How the hell should I know?"

FARMER...

A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky.

Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath, "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"

"Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine.

"Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?"

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?"

"Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."

"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.

"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't... But you know how bad that sumbitch lies....

Mr. Methane

How to Repair Anything

Old Guy

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym

when he spotted a sweet young thing.

He asked the trainer that was nearby,

"What machine in here should I use, to impress that sweet thing over there?"

The trainer looked him up and down and said.

"You should use the ATM in the lobby".......

I Love WalMart