Uncle Bud

Mrs. Warner's thrid grade class was asked to come to school with a short story that had a moral attached to it.

Susie raised her hand and told the following story:
"My daddy is a chicken rancher and one day I set two dozen eggs in the incubator but only eighteen of them hatched."

"What's the moral of your story, Susie?" asked Mrs. Warner.
"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched!"
"Very good Susie, anyone else?"

Mary raised her hand and expounded thus:
"My daddy also raises chickens and one day I was collecting eggs for the farmer's market so I got the biggest basket we had and I put every egg I found in it. I loaded it into the back of the pickup truck and on the way to the market the truck hit a big bump and all the eggs fell out the back and were smashed."

"Oh that's so terrible, Mary. What would you say the moral to that story is?"
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

"Excellent Mary. Anyone else?"

Bruce raises his hand and tells the following story:
"Uncle Bud was a fighter pilot in Viet Nam, he was deep behind enemy lines when his plane was hit. He ejected and barely had time to grab his survival kit. On the way down in his parachute he opened his kit and pulled out his bottle of Jack Daniels and drank the whole thing in one long gulp. He dug deeper and found a case of beer, he drank every can, one after the other on the way down.

When he landed, he noticed that he was surrounded by 75 vietcong. He pulled out his machine gun and killed 40 of them before he ran out of bullets, then he threw his gun to the ground, grabbed his machete and killed 20 of them before his machete broke in two. So he killed the last 15 of them with his bare hands!"

The class was stunned silent, a few of the more sensitive kids were begining to cry, Mrs. Warner looked at Bruce and asked:
"What on earth could the moral of that story possibly be?"

Bruce replied, "You don't fuck with Uncle Bud when he's been drinking."