How to Shower like a Woman

• Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks
• Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
• Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
• Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
• Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
• Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
• Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner
• Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
• Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
• Rinse conditioner off hair.
• Shave armpits and legs.
• Rinse off.
• Turn off shower.
• Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
• Spray mold spots with Tilex.
• Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
• Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
• Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
• If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.