Hate Jackasses?

Remember January 20, 2009?

So Tight!

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy.

"Put your finger in me..." she asks him.

So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning.

"Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one.

She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!".

So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!".

So the guy puts both of his hands in!

"Now clap your hands..." commands the girl.

"I can't", says the guy.

The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".

The Old Cow

Recently out in the California countryside south of San Francisco, a cow suddenly jumped out into the road, and the oncoming limousine hit it full on. The lady in the backseat said to her chauffeur, "You get out and check on it, because you were driving."

So the chauffeur got out, checked, and reported that the cow was dead, but that it was also very old.

Then the lady said, "You go up to that farmhouse, and tell the farmer that you accidentally killed the old cow."

So the chauffeur did indeed go up to the farmhouse, and 2-hours later he returned. His hair was all ruffled-up, he was totally plastered, and he had a big grin on his face.

So the lady asked, "What ever happened to you?"

The chauffeur replied, "After I got to the farmhouse, and delivered the message that you told me to say, the farmer opened-up his best bottle of malt whiskey, his wife gave me a delicious country meal and their pretty daughter made love to me."

The lady asked, "What on earth did you say to them?"

"I just knocked on the front door, and when the farmer opened it, I said to him, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow!"