2 Arabs on a Plane

One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat... Just before takeoff, a rabbi sat down in the aisle seat.

After takeoff the rabbi kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.' 'Don't get up,' said the rabbi, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'd be happy to get it for you.'

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the rabbi`s shoe and spat in it. When the Rabbi returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one, too.'

Again, the rabbi obligingly went to fetch a coke. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the rabbi`s other shoe and spat in it.

When the rabbi returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the rabbi slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened

He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors:

'Why does it have to be this way?

'How long must this go on?

'This fighting between our nations?

'This hatred?

'This animosity?

'This spitting in shoes - and pissing in cokes?'

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

More New Obama Taxes!

Mice!

Beer!

The Internet

Brokeback Mohammed

Wild Safari Rides

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?”

Barbara: “Sure, I’ll have a go!”

Regis: “Which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it……..

1. Robin
2. Sparrow
3. Cuckoo
4. Thrush

Remember Barbara it's worth 1 Million dollars.”

Barbara: No, I haven’t got a clue. I’d like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: “Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: “I’ll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham.”

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): “Hello…”

Regis: “Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Millionaire. The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.”

Barbara: “Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it:

1. Robin
2. Sparrow
3. Cuckoo
4. Thrush

Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple…..It’s a Cuckoo.”

Barbara: “You think?”

Maggie: “I’m sure.”

Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up)

Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?”

Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo”

Regis: “Is that your final answer?”

Barbara: “It is.”

Regis: “Are you confident?”

Barbara: “Yes fairly, Maggie’s a sound bet.”

Regis: “Barbara…..you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo …you’re right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.”

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks “Tell me Maggie, How in God’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: “Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock.”

It's a Guy Thing

See the temp. gauge on the manifold under the air filter?

Know what it is for?

It's Good to be Illegal!

5 million of our older Americans did not sign up for their Medicare, Part D, drug plan------they are old and confused. They were NOT granted an extension.

However, 12 million illegal aliens are in our country and we are going to allow them to stay, protest, procreate, receive support monies, attend schools, avoid paying income taxes, have our teachers take 300 hours of ESL (English as a Second Language) training at our expense, etc.

WE MUST REALLY DISLIKE OUR OWN PEOPLE...... OR WE MUST REALLY LOVE TACOS!!!

Don't forget to pay your taxes...... 12 million illegal aliens are depending on you!

AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

By Lou Pritchett

Dear President Obama:

You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me.

You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you.

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core.

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others.

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations.

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

Lou Pritchett


Note: Lou Pritchett is a former vice president of Procter & Gamble whose career at that company spanned 36 years before his retirement in 1989, and he is the author of the 1995 business book, Stop Paddling & Start Rocking the Boat.

Go Green Bitches!

LARRY THE CABLE GUY QUOTES

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset because he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, man, if it upsets you that much, quit counting them.

My mom went to a doctor and got a butt lift. It's a little too lifted, I think. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it.

I dated this retarded woman once but we broke up. We couldn't agree on anything. I'd say ‘Tomato’ and she'd say "Bowling Shoes!"

[about Fruit of the Loom] What does fruit have to do with underwear? Except I guess when you pull your underwear down and look in the back, and you say, “Ohhh..... I should have eaten more fruit.”

How to fail a School test with Dignity

Example 1)


Example 2)


Example 3)


Example 4)


Example 5)


Example 6)


Example 7)

Cars of the Future...

2010 Government Motors Coupe



2012 Cadillac Deville



2009 Obamamobile SUV

Helmets

New Postage Stamp

The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama. The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.

After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional hearings, a special Presidential Commission presented the following findings:

The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.

People are spitting on the wrong side.

For Sale

3 Wishes

A man is going through his attic and finds a bottle that appears to have gold in it soo....

He takes it down to his wife, when she saw the bottle she grabbed it and started to clean the dust off.. when suddenly a genie popped out and told them they had three wishes.

First wish the man says "I want the fastest car in the world", the genie nods his head and says "look outside"...there is the car of his dreams.

Second wish the man says "I want 1 Billion dollars!" The genie nods his head once more and points his finger to a closet next to his wife. When his wife opens the door the money falls out unto the ground.

As the man starts to say his third wish the wife says "Hey, if it wasn't for me you would have never found out about the genie!" So the husband says "Alright,Alright take it" The wife stands there thinking about what the third and final wish would be when suddenly the genie nods his head.

All of a sudden 3 men in white hooded robes come in a start beating the husband and pulling him to a tree. They start putting a noose around his neck when the man says "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU WISH FOR BITCH!?"

Too which his wife responds "NOTHING BAD, I JUST WISHED YOU WERE HUNG LIKE A NIGGER!"

You might be an Obama racist if.....

1. If you have ever chuckled at his middle name, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
2. If you ever ridiculed the assertion that tire gauges lower gas prices, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
3. If you ever laughed at the claim that he campaigned in 57 states, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
4. If you ever suggested that the "Vero Possemus" campaign signs had something to do with possums, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
5. If you ever downloaded the video of him bowling a 37 in front of reporters, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
6. If you ever shared the video comparing him to Paris Hilton, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
7. If you ever cracked wise about his cocaine use, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Dubya's alleged cocaine use is politically correct.)
8. If you ever made fun of his big ears, you may be guilty of Obama jokes. (Joking about Perot's big ears is politically correct.)
9. If you ever said that the look on his wife's face could curdle fresh milk, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Cindy McCain's face is politically correct.)
10. If you ever noted that his pastor acted like he was on Def Comedy Jam, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.

A Child's Prayer

Dear God,

Please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer who don't have any.

Amen !!!

Wet Cleanup in the West Wing