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Three Monkeys

Hope & Change

Just when you thought all the good ideas were taken!!!

Attention Kmart shoppers...

A R-eel Fish Story

Two weeks ago a group of four men, Steve Hoyland Jr. with friends Bruce, Ken and Erik, set off on an overnight offshore fishing trip. They left at noon on a Tuesday and went about 120 miles out into the Gulf.

They were having a great night of fishing, catching big snapper, grouper, ling and kings. About 3 am, two of them went down below to catch some sleep. The two remaining on deck were catching fish and drinking beer, enjoying the warm tropical night air.

All at once, Bruce got a big run on his line. This thing went all around the boat and took more than twenty minutes to bring up to the surface. When they got it up to the surface, they could not tell what it was. It looked prehistoric.

Steve Jr. put a gaff in it and the two men dragged it aboard the 33 foot boat. As soon the big creature hit the deck, it went crazy, attacking them. It was an eel over 6 feet long, weighing close to 100 pounds. It had a mouth full of sharp teeth and was extremely pissed off.

The eel was later estimated to be sixty years old. Bruce said it came at him and Steve, Jr. like an anaconda, rearing it’s head up and striking at them like a rattlesnake. It was highly agitated and quite energetic.

In the midst of thrashing around, the creature fell down below onto the floor between the two sleeping men, Erik and Ken. When they heard the thud and turned on the light, the eel raised it’s head right above Ken’s face. Erik rolled over and grabbed his 9 mm pistol. Steve Jr. started yelling. “Don’t shoot the gun in the boat! We’re 120 miles from land!” Next thing you know, all four fishermen were on the deck and the gigantic eel had sole possession of the bottom of the boat.

The four needed to work up a plan of action, so they drank beer while considering a strategy. It was determined that Steve Jr. would distract the eel because he had drank the most alcohol and believed he was bulletproof. He opened up the sliding door down below to see what the “monster” was doing. As the door opened, the eel came up the two steps biting at anything along the way. The four brave men then ran to the wheel house like women and slammed the door shut. They never did identify which one of them screamed like a girl.

Inside the wheelhouse, they started calming down and decided they would drink a couple more beers. Then they hatched a new battle plan. Steve Jr. went out on the deck to get the beast’s attention. The eel attacked and Steve Jr. climbed up on top of the captain’s chair. Ken threw a blanket on top of the giant eel while Erik and Bruce beat the hell out of it with a steel gaff and a large ice chest lid. After the creature was finally subdued, they put it into a large ice chest, and closed the lid on it.

The four brave sailors all got themselves a beer and were laughing at the situation when the lid of the ice chest was suddenly knocked off and the eel sprang out onto the deck and resumed his attack.. Bruce stated that the eel was clearly out for vengeance. The four men each picked up something and the fight was on. After beating the creature with gaffs, ice chest lids and fire extinguishers again, they once more subdued the massive carnivore and put it back into the ice chest. This time, they tied the lid down and put another ice chest on top of that one.

Eighteen hours later they returned to the dock and started unloading the boat. None of them was anxious to open the lid to the ice chest, in fact, they did “rock, paper, scissors” to determine who would pop the lid!

Above is a picture of Bruce Gordy with the eel that he caught and bravely fought in that epic and desperate battle for control on the high seas. (Steve Hoyland, Sr.)

What are these Women doing?

In the following pictures, you see women with very strong facial expressions.




Can you identify their expression?























They are all getting ready to sneeze.

Motorcycle Maintenance

A motorcycle enthusiast is over at a friend's house. "You know, I've been wondering about something for a long time," he says. "How do you keep you cycle so shiny all the time?"

"That's my big secret," says his friend, "but since you're such a close buddy, I'll tell you what it is. I always carry Vaseline with me, so that whenever it rains when I'm out with my bike, I put Vaseline all over the painted areas, and it protects them from the moisture. Later, I wipe it down with a cloth, and it keeps the bike looking great. As a matter of fact, I just bought a whole bunch of Vaseline today - would you like a container?"

The guy says, "Sure, thanks! But now I gotta go. I'm supposed to meet my girlfriend at her parents' house for dinner. I've never been there before, so I can't be late."

So he puts the Vaseline in his pocket, gets on his bike and speeds off. When he arrives at the house, his girlfriend is waiting on the front porch. "Listen, honey," she says, "there's something you should know about my family. We have a strange little custom at dinnertime: the first person who speaks at the dinner table has to do the dishes."

"Oh, OK," he says, "thanks for the warning."

But he isn't prepared for what he sees next. When he goes inside, he sees dirty dishes piled up in the front hallway. When he goes through the living room, he sees dishes piled up on the coffee table, on the couch, even on top of the TV. When he gets to the dining room, he can hardly pull a chair out to sit down, because of all the dishes on the floor.

At this point, realizing the situation he's in, he isn't about to say anything about the dishes, or anything else for that matter, so he sits down for dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.

They sit there, eating quietly, and when everyone is finished, they all remain seated at the table, without saying anything. After about 15 minutes of silence, the guy starts to get antsy. He thinks, "I'm going to get the father to say something."

So he grabs his girlfriend, throws her down on the table, and has sex with her, right in front of her parents. Nobody says a word. So then he grabs the mother, throws her on the table, and does it with her. Still nobody says anything.

Suddenly, there's a crack of thunder outside. The guy leaps up and pulls the Vaseline out of his pocket. The father throws his napkin on the table and says, "ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'LL DO THE DISHES!!"

Thunderboxes!

God Bless Arizona
'We take pride in our crappers'

Old People do Funny Things..

An 80 year old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said, "Friend, for your age you're in the best shape I've seen."

The old feller replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. Why I know I live a good, clean, spiritual life."

The doctor asked, "What makes you say that?"

The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom light on for me every time I get up in the middle of the night."

The doc was concerned. "You mean when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord Himself turns on the light for you?"

"Yep," the old man said, "Whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me."

Well, the doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said.

"I just want you to know," the doctor said. "Your husband's in fine physical shape but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him."

"He what?" she cried.

"He said every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him."

"Aha!!!" she exclaimed. "So he's the one who's been peeing in the refrigerator!"

Arlington Pacman

Stop to Smell the Roses

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning. A man with a violin plays six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people passed through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle-aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.


4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin valued at $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the price of seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made... what else are we missing?

Is it too late to vote for the White Guy?

Reading the Signs

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6 Rejected Kids Books

Number 1: "MY FOOT IN YOUR ASS" – Dr. Seuss

A childrens classic with a subtle message about the importance of getting things right the first time, and the ramifications of getting things wrong!




Number 2: "WHY IS MOMMY MOANING?" - Berenstein Bears

When it's time to learn about the birds and the bees, it's time to break out the good ol' Berenstein Bears.




Number 3: "HORTON HIRES A HO" - Dr Seuss

Consider it your childs first introduction to economics and commerce.




Number 4: "MY FIRST RAVE"

More fun than an all nighter with the Wiggles and Hi-5 combined!




Number 5: "LET’S SHIT IN THE WOODS" - Golden Book

A classic that dares answer the age old questions, 'does a bear shit in the woods?'




Number 6: "LEARN TO PIMP" - Berenstein Bears

This should definitely be read in conjunction with number 3 to ensure your child has a healthy understanding of the way the business world works.

School Bus in Japan

School Bus in Japan







School Bus in India




But where did you call when you have a technical problem with your computer?

Japan or India?

Yoga Class

There are two basic types of yoga:



1. Yoga from India

AND




2. Yoga from Arizona