Medical Miracles

A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut-off a man's testicles, we put it into another man and in 6 weeks he is looking for work"

The German doctor comments: "That?s nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out from a person, we put it into another person's head and in 4 weeks he is looking for work"

A Russian doctor says: That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart out from a person, we put it into another person's chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.

The US doctor answers immediately: That's nothing colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA we grabbed a person with no brains, no heart and no balls....we made him President and now....the whole country is looking for work!!!!!

PrezBO

DON'T FORGET YOUR ANNIVERSARY

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Look Who's Been Sober For A Whole Year!

Congratulations Senator Kennedy!

I never knew. Enjoy.......

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner.

Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label "The Goldberg Air Conditioner" on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

THE EMERGENCY ROOM

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch onto the front of my shirt that I had downloaded off the Internet.

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the
people got up and left. I guess they decided that
they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours
off my waiting time.

Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time
you're in need of quicker emergency service.


It also works at DMV. It saved me 5 hours.

And the Laundromat - three minutes after entering I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

Don't try it at McDonald's, the whole crew got up and left and l never got my order.

Nominated for joke of the year:

Two women were sitting quietly together,

minding their own business.

A Soldiers Story

As a squad of US soldiers were patrolling the Iraqi border, they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled US soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened. "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of shit!'" "He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George Bush is an unprincipled, lying piece of shit too!'" "We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."

She's Wrong

New Product

Woman Please...

Public Bar

Cats

Liberals...

Jesus

Go Arizona!

Vote Democrat

A recent survey asked thousands of voters what influences their vote. Here are the most common answers offered by Democrat voters:

• I'm voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
• I'm voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
• I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.
• I'm voting Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday, CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.
• I'm voting Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
• I'm voting Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.
• I'm voting Democrat because I believe three or four pointy headed elitist liberals need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would NEVER get their agendas past the voters.
• I'm voting Democrat because I believe that when the terrorists don't have to hide from us over there, when they come over here I don't want to have any guns in the house to fight them off with.
• I'm voting Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my horse.
• I'm voting Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

Makes you wonder why anyone would EVER vote Republican, now doesn't it?

Funny No Matter Your Stance

Rules of the Game

Rule #13: Strengthen that KFC association by ensuring that your shop's name includes the name of a southern US state.

So this Democrat walks into a bar...

… with his dog under his arm.

The Deomcrat says to the bartender, "give me a beer. Anything but Coors Light."

Bartender says, "why not Coors Light?"

The Democrat says "I drank a case of Coors Light last night and blew Chunks"

Bartender says, "dude, you drink a case of anything and your going to get sick".

The Democrat says, "you don’t understand, Chunks is my dog".

An Adult Pencil Sharpener