Medicare, Part "G"

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years, or older, a gun (G) and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.

Of course, this means you'll be sent to prison, where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning and all the health care you need.  Probably even cable TV...

Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered.

As an added bonus, your kids will come and visit you more often than they do now.

And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can't afford for you to go into a home.

And, you can get rid of four useless politicians while you're at it.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income taxes anymore.

 

Is this a great country or what? 

'Nuff Said...

The Last Nickel

A man entered a restaurant with his very young son. He gave the boy three nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy was choking, turning blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels: He began slapping him on the back. The child coughed up two nickels, but continued choking. Seeing his son in such distress, the father panicked and shouted for help.

An attractive, serious-looking, lady in a dark blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping coffee. She looked up, put the cup down, folded the newspaper neatly, placing it on it on the counter, rose from her seat strutted stylishly unhurried, through the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, she carefully removed his pants; took his testicles in her right hand and started to squeeze, twisting, gently at first, and then strongly. The lad convulsed violently and coughed up the coin, which the woman deftly caught with her free hand.

She released the boy's testicles, handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the counter without saying a word.

When the man was sure his son has suffered no ill effects, he went over to the lady to thank her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that; it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? " 

"No," the lady replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."

Blame...

Phony...

Ammo shortage

Folks, The situation on getting ammo is getting really tight, but this morning I lucked out and was able to buy two boxes of ammo.

I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home, but stopped at a gas station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She happened to notice my two boxes of ammo, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of ammo 'ya got?"

The Religion of Peace

I've Made A Huge...

Red States vs Blue States

Well......

Was it Worth Voting for Him, TWICE!?

INEPTOCRACY

 Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

Speaking of Teams and Opinions

I'll be frank, since it's good to speak clearly and be heard as such. Everyone is playing for a team. They are born into these teams, genetically hardwired to come out black or brown or male or female, and you'd be hard-pressed to get them to back the opposition on any front. Stretch?

Well, have a look at American elections; people are so polarized between conservative and liberal groups, they don't think for a second they're wrong about anything, even if they're doing the exact same things they've previously called the other team out on.

A lot of this also has to do with where they pick it up at. On a campus, if you're not a liberal, you're a goddamned pariah. The ideas of institutional racism/tyrannical patriarchy are greatly emphasized in almost all aspects of college life now, and along with them, the justification that it's acceptable to be prejudiced against white males. 

The irony, of course, is lost on them; they have become the monster in the mirror, and vehement (and grossly intentional) denial of the truth behind what they stand for says one thing: For some reason, they are unwilling to look into that mirror, perhaps because they're afraid of what they'll see. 

Much of this doublethink and the terms they use smack greatly of communist subversion, at the risk of sounding like a conspiracy theorist - which is another term they bandy about to isolate and silence any dissenters. Obviously.  That's my take. 

I read the whole entry and understand your perspective, and your frustrations. Perhaps open-mindedness isn't something to be sought out through political affiliations, as many would have us believe. When politics come into play, everything has interchangeable meanings – especially "open-mindedness."

-- Author Unknown

About The Gays

I've always believed homosexuality was largely biological, and have never really had a beef with them.

However, it has never been something I care to hear a great deal about… my understanding is that the 10% figure is way too high, and I've heard 2 or 3% is more accurate. This is a small minority of people… and it’s also clearly something that could reasonably be thought of as a birth defect. I’m all for treating gay people with dignity, respect, and leaving them alone… but I feel that this very rare variant of human sexuality has become FAR too prominent in our national landscape. We are hearing about it FAR too often and they are pushing FAR too hard for more and more.

People need to be adult about these things and just realize, some times you get the short end of the stick from birth… if you’re blind, people will try to do things like invent braille, seeing eye dogs, etc… but at the end of the day, you will face massively more hardship than the sighted. If you’re deaf, we invent sign language and cochlear implants and we try hard to accommodate those disabilities or any other… wheelchair ramps, etc… but at the end of the day, being born with an unusual defect, no matter what it is… is ALWAYS going to be an inconvenience and doom you to a life of living in a world that just doesn't seem built for you.

It’s sad, but it’s the nature of the real world… and much like the deaf shouldn't expect everyone to stop listening to music or to learn sign language, and the blind shouldn't expect everyone to wear blindfolds in solidarity… and paraplegics shouldn't expect everyone to use wheelchairs in solidarity… homosexuals should not expect the rest of society to rework its entire understanding of marriage and family and sexuality.

I realize it must have been rough for people living in the closet in the 50′s, etc… but frankly society was healthier because it had a clarity about gender roles, sexuality, and such. Unfortunately, for a society to be healthy and strong, I believe it is inevitable that some will feel left out.

--Author unknown

How Could this Happen?

This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Fredericksburg, TX who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway bridge. 

The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Kerrville ... He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 6 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 2½ inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment. 

Texas police do care!

Voter Crossing

BE PREPARED !!!!!!!

Rumors are circulating in California that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in Los Angeles, killing anyone who is a legal U.S. citizen.

 

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 23.

Frequent Filer Miles and Swinging on Mars

The year is 2222, and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after
accumulating enough frequent Flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen .

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another...

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen

'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough for me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to admit it to you,' says Maureen , 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache ... She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

Coexist

Gosnell Who?